In My Weakness.

The fam and I had a wonderful opportunity to spend time with friends of ours last night.  The nine of us took over a family restaurant for about 4 hours.  

We had a multitude of conversations ranging from cameras to weaknesses - or what we thought were weaknesses. At the point we had reached the "deeper conversations"  the men-folk were talking to each other and the women-folk were talking to each other.  

Honestly.... I missed most of the men's conversation because of the wisdom, courage, and sharing that was taking place in the conversations we women were having.  It started out with party planning... and the different ways we handle things.  She being the quiet, detailed person - making sure that everything was in it's place.**the rest is her's to tell**  I being a lot less detailed and a little more social.  I can put the details together but I don't like to, and I'd prefer to socialize but not be the bold speaker in the front.  

In fact, I said, I couldn't be the speaker in the front because I was afraid. 

Afraid of no one being able to understand me because I'll cry  my way through anything I'm supposed to say.  Because of the fair skin, I turn red and splotchy from head to toe, my face cringes in this ugly concoction of wrinkles and running mascara, and I get this horrible *gasp*gasp*exhale* that sounds like a hiccup gone very wrong.  I can't help it.  

Shoot.  I was near tears last night sharing the effects of public speaking with her.

And then she says... something close to this.. (it was a couple of hours ago and we all know my memory, so it's more like... this is what I  heard)

"I don't see that as a weakness.  I see that as making you human.  People relate more when you are human and speaking in front of them.  If they know a bad day will drive you to a Snickers bar, they can understand you are just like them.  It's a way of humility.  It shows brokenness and that is sometimes used to teach others as well. That's not a weakness at all."

My thoughts at the time... (I didn't say them)

1.  Obviously....You haven't seen my pug-like face in the moment.  Not to mention the incomprehensible message would sound like a seal barking and random prepositions.

2.  This is a teachable moment isn't it, God?

3.  Note to self - look up weakness at home.

Hey!  What can I say!!! I'm still human and operate in the flesh....but, I did recover and realize I was supposed to learn out of this!  Rather quickly...

So on the ride home, I paced in my  brain.  Hubby had to work last night so, I hung out with the kiddos and after deciding I needed to get some sleep... I opened to the back of my bible.  I was searching for brokenness or weakness.  Honestly... I went for weakness because brokenness wasn't exactly what I was looking for.  

My search ended up in 2 Corinthians, Chapter 12.  

This is when Paul is talking about his Vision and the Thorn that was placed in his flesh for tormenting.  In fact in The Message it talks about how "Satan's angel did his best to get me (Paul) down, what he in fact did was push me to my knees."  Paul asked 3 times for God to remove this thorn.  God's response was "My grace is enough, it's all you need.  My strength comes into its own in your weakness."(verses 7-9)  In the NIV version it says  "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."(v.9a)

So I start thinking... YES, I was thinking and it was past my bedtime.  God's power is PERFECT in weakness.  That's my weakness, your weakness, and any other persons.  When we share those weakness it is when God shows up.  It may be a prayer, a word, or a pug-like-black eyed-blotchy red-barking seal-speaker.  

All this time I'm thinking the weaknesses I have are the sins in the past I've committed (the ones that don't count anymore because they've been washed away).  That's what makes me human and relatable.  Not the current fraidy-cat stuff that makes me think speaking isn't one of my gifts.  

For the rest of verse 9 and all of 10.  Paul goes on to say...

"Once I heard that, I was glad to let it (the thorn or in my case "weakness") happen.  I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift.  It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.   Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size - abuse, a ccidents, opposition, bad breaks.  I just let Christ take over!  And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."  The Message

Sooo am I stepping up for public speaking?  Not yet.  That's not on my platter right this very minute.  I will say this.

..pause..

..pause..

...deep breath... 

I'll definitely pray harder the next time I'm asked and refer to this.