Saturday, June 5, 2010

It's Time.

Everytime I start to type this post, I start to cry. At that point, I deem myself not ready to deal or sort out my emotions and then log out and hope that the next day will be better. It's supposed to be my "next post" so, Unfortunately, I've been silent for a while. I can not guarantee if this will make sense in the end.


Earlier (2 posts ago) I mentioned that the World of Rho would be rocked (go here) It's more of a personal/selfish reference because as I process through, I see that this means so much more to me than it may to be the bloggy readers I have.

Tomorrow our church is giving a going away party for some VERY close friends. These friends are becoming missionaries. Following God's plan in their life with a GIANT jump of faith. Friends that can simply stand next to you and know that you are dealing with something internally, and wait patiently until you spit it out on your own accord. Friends that encourage you through simple moments of smiles, dinner over paper plates, and peanut-butter taste tests. Friends that help you through a monumental crisis that could ruin your family and not once pass judgement or stop associating with you.

As, I look on the front row and realize that they won't be there--- it crumbles me. But, I never want to discourage them with tears. I never want to make them feel bad because I know that their purpose and path is different than my own. I am truly celebrating their choice! Their gifts and hearts are for just a time as this.

I just don't think I could seriously handle actually saying "Goodbye" without looking like an idiot through the masses of mascara and tears....and because everytime I see them, I realize time is getting shorter...it's tougher and tougher not to break out into tears.

I may not be able to get this out verbally so I type. Not to mention...I cry really bad, complete with the quick breaths, squeaky voice, and sniffling nose.

....and so, It's time.....

Our friendship started with chaos.... one that I was in and you worked me through. With you're quiet strength and determination I was able to conquer a pretty big mountain just so I could jump off of it. Not once did you say what I should do, but only listened and gave me the strength and support to follow the directions I needed to.
We've experienced some pretty quiet victories and defeats through life's circumstances and events. There are serious moments when I have to stop and think...What would She do? ..and move accordingly. Through each and every moment that is special over the years, you have been there with me. Your passion and knowledge of Christ has motivated me to learn more.

There are few people in your life that truly bless you EVERY time you see them. You are one of them for me. I'll miss our random Starbucks talks. I'll miss our "family" dinners. I'll miss the birthday parties and singing side by side in worship.

But, I'm so VERY proud of you for following God. For walking out what you've taught the youth and myself....and frankly, just for being you.

One of my fondest memories is our first lunch out to Bianca's. We didn't know each other except through a very casual relationship. Before our drinks were placed on the table you mentioned about how you are the friend that would not ask questions....one that I could talk to...one that would never judge. That was my first taste of true friendship. I didn't have to give any more than I had to please you. I didn't have to be anyone else and you accepted that.

I'd never had a friend like that--and never knew that friendship was supposed to be like that.

Over the last couple of years, we had some amazing trips and opportunities together.
Wicked.---Truly, you've changed me for good.
Ski Trips.--ski lifts and hot chocolate
Camping.---Mud fights, bike rides, and S'mores.
Equador.--You losing your heart.


I won't say goodbye. I WILL see you again. I'm visiting you. I'm skyping you. and I'm sure facebook and e-mail will be pretty regular as well. Get used to it, accept it.

I love you, my friend.




Sunday, February 28, 2010

The best part of waking up.....

29 days ago...I started on adventure. One that would bring me to my knees in pain and prayer. The first 3 days were the absolute worse...so much in fact, I chose to lock myself in my room and not speak to anyone. Unless of course, I was working or yelling at my family.

Needless to say we all survived. Tomorrow is the end of my fast and I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't looking forward to my first Cup O' Joe. I've made some changes though. With the exception of drinking tea when we went out to eat, I've been caffeine free. So, I've decided to go back to coffee but decaf. (It doesn't help that when I told the Dr. how much coffee I drink daily, she almost fell out of her chair)

Decaf doesn't make The House of Rho any less chaotic though... which is another lesson I learned on this fast. Life does go on without coffee (GASP!) In fact, it goes a little slower. Not too much..so don't think I've found a pause button. But, life was at a slower pace which gave so much time for extra chaos!! Or time for me notice........

Any who.... Have a great Monday!!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Decisions, Decisions...

Last night at Praise practice a very profound question was asked.


"Has everyone decided what they will be fasting for the month of February?"

**Coffee** The still small voice tells me..

Mind you....I remember Hubby 'mentioning' something about fasting. But nothing about a month or that it would be an individual decision as to what.

My first thought was....."Stink!" Mainly because I'd not given ANY thought to fasting. We're talking Zip, Zero, Zil-CH!! Now, I'm mentally going through the massive list of meals, items, and favorites that I could give up.

**Coffee** Clearer now I'm hearing it.

But first...I'll need clarification... ME - "What exactly do we have to fast?"
Friend "Anything you feel the Lord leading you towards"

**Coffee**

Okay God, I hear ya... I just need more clarification.
ME - "If I choose, say, coffee.... Can I substitute hot tea? I..II...I... need something warm to drink in the morning!"

Friend #2 "If you drink hot tea...are you really sacrificing?" (YES!?!?!--But, not REALLY...)

Awww...man... Then in recounting the conversation with my pastor and reiterating it in a service...

SACRIFICE - giving up something you love...for something you love more.

********************
Fast Forward to today....
Day 4 of NO COFFEE...

I'm just now to the point where I can speak about it. The first two days were brutal coming off of the eternal caffeine kick I've been on for the last 15+ years. Chaos was certainly the term I'd use for my household, my work, and my life. I'm convinced that without coffee, I'm ADD. Not to mention the caffeine headache that brought me to my knees at 8:30, Monday night causing me to go to sleep before the kids even thought about changing into their pajamas. To say, I've been joyful would be wrong....but, I haven't really been mean either. So I should get kudos for that.

I've been super quiet. The fast will last for the month of February. For everytime I think, wish, or want coffee...I offer up a prayer and spend some quiet time with the Lord. Which explains the quiet part...I've been in prayer ALOT!

I'm working through the headaches...(I still have one lurking) because I've pretty much cut out caffeine all together. I'm working through some other things...but am out of time...
Until the next time!!

Monday, January 11, 2010

3 Days!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

OH...It's 2010!

I'm reading New Years goals and resolutions and figured out I hadn't committed to anything for 2010. Seriously though, me making goals and sticking to them let alone remember them is a comic event in itself. Which is why I resolve not to resolve. It's so much easier for me to do that then remember what the resolution is, figure out how to add it in, and make sure that I've some how completed it.


I'm anticipating a lot happening this year.

I was talking to a friend of mine regarding Blogging. I told her I just didn't have it in me lately. Her response had me thinking.... She said something like this...

"There are times when God works on us internally and we can't verbalize what's going on until we are ready to share."

That, my friends, is exactly where I am. I'm being worked on internally. We're talking overhaul. I'm being prepared for a lot of changes. Ones that are going to ROCK the World of Rho. I can't list them, share them, or even put them into words.....yet. But, when I am--hold on to your coffee cups 'cause chaos will ensue.

Just thought I'd update.



Monday, December 28, 2009

Just to see it in writing.

Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. Even after listening to a sermon that all but stuck a neon arrow sign over my head and spotlighted me in a crowd.


The short version... When all was said and done...I survived. Despite the worrying, stress, and flat out expectations of ruffled feathers and fists....I came out untouched and ultimately ignored.

Which really was a let down to me....
so I asked myself...
"Self?!?!---Why are you upset? Why are you not happy that you were taken care of and not placed in the middle of whatever circle you thought you'd be and tarred and feathered?"

Before I could answer the internal conversation I knew..... Despite the expectations... Some things are beyond our control. Despite the outcome of what I'd like....the decision isn't up to me. You see when you add people into your everyday life, they end up changing the outcome of what you'd like to dictate. Something about choices, expectations, and free will.

So, I wasn't happy because what could have been didn't happen...which in my mind would make the situation easier to deal with. I'd've been able to flesh out somethings instead of dealing with them the way I should--with the one that can fix it and lastly...because it means the next time it'll be the same until each person involved will be able to overcome their part in it. I seriously thought I was through with my part...but now I'm "planning/worrying" about reactions to their part....So does that mean I'm through??

Probably not.



Sunday, November 22, 2009

Pssst. It's the new do!!

My friends laugh at me when I start to talk about the Hair Goddess! She creates miracles with her gifting of making me beautiful. Thought I'd share her newest creation. I'm trying to grow it out. Whaddya think??