Warning.....Rambling ahead

The next couple of posts will most likely be me trying to figure something out.  My fingers are pretty much connected to my brain and seeing the words pop up on the screen in front of me help me work things out.  That's why you are getting the warning of rambling.   

Yesterday, I typed out the starfish story and in my brain was thinking about how God uses one person to deliver the message.  My message must be pretty long because, I've had several "one" people speaking to me in the last week.  That being said, I'm working through the message and am watching God around me confirm my original thoughts just in case I was doubting.

Wednesday - a feeling of uncomfort in a place I once found refuge.  At the turning point in my life, I found great rescue in the Youth service.  I realize now I was at a beginning stage in my newly renewed faith.  I was also extremely uneducated and felt more "on the level" with the youth as far as maturity went within the church.  I also have a wonderful friend and confidant that works in the youth service.  Who helped me figure out what was happening and how to react.  That being said, I entered the youth service Wednesday night.  I've not been in several weeks due to baseball with Monster so, I was a little uneasy (at least that's what I'm calling it, right now)  I made the decision after worship to go into the adult service.  As I walked in there was an INSTANT comfort that wrapped itself around me.  Was it because of the message?  Was it because it's time to move on?  Am I at the next step on my path?

Thursday - I was helping set up for the tea party.  Pretty much in a slump.  As I was left alone with another one of the females, I find myself saying..... It's okay to share.  God specifically places people in our lives just to listen, if you need them.  Why am I not following my own advice?  Why am I holding this in trying to sort it out?

Saturday - The tea party - Oh!  It was so elegant and the message was perfect.  She talked of reflections and how our human eyes instantly see the flaws versus what God sees in us and what we should be projecting towards others.  I was taking pictures during the last song that the women's ensemble sang.  I don't know what the shots looked like because of the amount of tears I was shooting through.  I'm an emotional wreck!!  Is it because I'm currently seeing the flaws and God is guiding me to the next step? 

-Dinner with Friends-  Adult time!!!!  Can you say- Yay?!?!  We laughed, giggled, and hung out.  As we closed yet another business... our conversations are more  muted, more personal.  I begin to share some thoughts outloud.  What's my ministry?  Should I be in youth?  What is MY purpose?

-Talking to Hubby - I hadn't shared what's going on with hubby.  Partially because I was hurt with something else that was a byproduct of ME not sharing what's going on.  My 'outgoing' personality is reigned in close when it comes to my feelings.  I don't want to push people into helping me - let alone know that the "joyful Rho" is suffering from the least bit of doubt and confusion.  So we talk.  What am I supposed to be doing?  Am I your support? or  Is this together?  ....and we pray  Show us the next step on the path.  

Sunday -  9:00 service.  a rather casual service - at least at the beginning.  Great praise and worship!  During one particular song, the music minister starts to acknowledge God's presence.  Mind you, I'm already teared up because of the song....

Take me, Mold me

Use  me, Fill me

I give my life to the Potter's Hand

Call me, Guide me,

Lead me, Walk beside me

I give my life to the Potter's Hand.

~The Potter's Hand, Darlene Zschech

As we pray and worship quietly, a message and interpretation is given.  I was so rocked by it that I still can't remember all of it.  I'm searching for the exact words...but the noticeable ones were.  

I am a big God, Find your strength in me, I am.

There's more.  

The music pastor was the pastor delivering Sunday's message.  We got two different ones in the first service.  

#1.  He begins to recall the first time that he was called into ministry and confirms the over all "flow" of the service.  I've listened to the service on CD.  He says :

"I have called you out, I have set you apart. and you are going to do great things beyond yourself."

"God is calling some people in this room to full time ministry.  I don't have any other way to say it"  

At this point, I'm in open sobs.  You guessed it.  Hubby is next to me doing the same.  Full time ministry?  In What?  When?  How? and all of the usual questions.  

There is ALOT more I need to type out.  But, I'm afraid I might be listed as MIA if I don't post soon....so I decided to give at least some of what's happening.  I'll return when I can to give the rest of the service and then what happened on Monday and Tuesday.  

I love my God and I love that he gives me puzzle pieces.  If I saw the full picture, I'd be too scared to follow through.  Right now each piece isn't fitting quite together yet.  But, I feel it's going to be big.  

Encouragement and Prayer is what I need right now.