In My Weakness.

The fam and I had a wonderful opportunity to spend time with friends of ours last night.  The nine of us took over a family restaurant for about 4 hours.  

We had a multitude of conversations ranging from cameras to weaknesses - or what we thought were weaknesses. At the point we had reached the "deeper conversations"  the men-folk were talking to each other and the women-folk were talking to each other.  

Honestly.... I missed most of the men's conversation because of the wisdom, courage, and sharing that was taking place in the conversations we women were having.  It started out with party planning... and the different ways we handle things.  She being the quiet, detailed person - making sure that everything was in it's place.**the rest is her's to tell**  I being a lot less detailed and a little more social.  I can put the details together but I don't like to, and I'd prefer to socialize but not be the bold speaker in the front.  

In fact, I said, I couldn't be the speaker in the front because I was afraid. 

Afraid of no one being able to understand me because I'll cry  my way through anything I'm supposed to say.  Because of the fair skin, I turn red and splotchy from head to toe, my face cringes in this ugly concoction of wrinkles and running mascara, and I get this horrible *gasp*gasp*exhale* that sounds like a hiccup gone very wrong.  I can't help it.  

Shoot.  I was near tears last night sharing the effects of public speaking with her.

And then she says... something close to this.. (it was a couple of hours ago and we all know my memory, so it's more like... this is what I  heard)

"I don't see that as a weakness.  I see that as making you human.  People relate more when you are human and speaking in front of them.  If they know a bad day will drive you to a Snickers bar, they can understand you are just like them.  It's a way of humility.  It shows brokenness and that is sometimes used to teach others as well. That's not a weakness at all."

My thoughts at the time... (I didn't say them)

1.  Obviously....You haven't seen my pug-like face in the moment.  Not to mention the incomprehensible message would sound like a seal barking and random prepositions.

2.  This is a teachable moment isn't it, God?

3.  Note to self - look up weakness at home.

Hey!  What can I say!!! I'm still human and operate in the flesh....but, I did recover and realize I was supposed to learn out of this!  Rather quickly...

So on the ride home, I paced in my  brain.  Hubby had to work last night so, I hung out with the kiddos and after deciding I needed to get some sleep... I opened to the back of my bible.  I was searching for brokenness or weakness.  Honestly... I went for weakness because brokenness wasn't exactly what I was looking for.  

My search ended up in 2 Corinthians, Chapter 12.  

This is when Paul is talking about his Vision and the Thorn that was placed in his flesh for tormenting.  In fact in The Message it talks about how "Satan's angel did his best to get me (Paul) down, what he in fact did was push me to my knees."  Paul asked 3 times for God to remove this thorn.  God's response was "My grace is enough, it's all you need.  My strength comes into its own in your weakness."(verses 7-9)  In the NIV version it says  "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."(v.9a)

So I start thinking... YES, I was thinking and it was past my bedtime.  God's power is PERFECT in weakness.  That's my weakness, your weakness, and any other persons.  When we share those weakness it is when God shows up.  It may be a prayer, a word, or a pug-like-black eyed-blotchy red-barking seal-speaker.  

All this time I'm thinking the weaknesses I have are the sins in the past I've committed (the ones that don't count anymore because they've been washed away).  That's what makes me human and relatable.  Not the current fraidy-cat stuff that makes me think speaking isn't one of my gifts.  

For the rest of verse 9 and all of 10.  Paul goes on to say...

"Once I heard that, I was glad to let it (the thorn or in my case "weakness") happen.  I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift.  It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.   Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size - abuse, a ccidents, opposition, bad breaks.  I just let Christ take over!  And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."  The Message

Sooo am I stepping up for public speaking?  Not yet.  That's not on my platter right this very minute.  I will say this.

..pause..

..pause..

...deep breath... 

I'll definitely pray harder the next time I'm asked and refer to this.

Random Wow's and thoughts.

***Wow***

The school year is 4.5 hours away from being over.  In all my complaining.... it really went fast.  I'm going to miss my challenges.

***Tickler***

Yesterday while driving to school I heard this weather report and had to laugh.  Only on a Christian radio station would the the weather man make an attempt to tell the truth.

Today starts out low at about 70 degrees.  The high today in the upper 90's.  We MIGHT have heavy clouds in the afternoon.  So you MIGHT want to carry an umbrella and be prepared.

***Thoughts 1***

I was soooo excited when I pulled in to the driveway yesterday afternoon.  There was a BOX on my front door step!!!  I'm thinking to myself ....Zumba! Zumba! Zumba!...  I quickly ran the kitchen-living room-foyer combination from the garage door...opened the front door with visions of dancing my legs off... Only to find that Hubby ordered something too.  From Mr. Ramsey.  More budget stuff.  There is a good news in all of this!  My heart rate was up and I walked rather quickly through the house... so quickly in fact one (me) might call it speed walking.  Thus categorizing a workout!  WOO HOO!!!

***Thoughts 2***

I've got a couple new links up on my Brewing section.  two of which are personal friends.  Hubby has his post that is super good.  Yes, he truly is a black belt.  No, he doesn't train with the kids.  :0)  I just hope he continues to blog.  The other is a close friend.  She is a gifted writer and I hope this opens many doors for her.  You'll notice we have the same background.  Seriously... it was unplanned.

2 more days.

That's it.... and they're 1/2 days at that.  Then, I have 2 planning days... with my children and then...

...Wednesday... Church

...Thursday...Hair Goddess!! **Happy Dance**Still Dancing**

...Friday... Training

...Saturday...Whatever

...Sunday...Church

...Monday - Friday...BOTH - Kids off to Church Camp (One week)

And that is my first 2 weeks of SUMMER BREAK!!!!

...I'm not going to sleep in.  I really can't during the summer.  Hubby has issues with alarm clocks...As in - He can't hear them.  So, I am the resident kick-you-until-you-turn-the-alarm-beeping-thing-off!!! (He really gets up to the beep!- the radio is even worse)  Which means--- all of that activity and noise at o-dark-thirty on a "sleep-in day"--Wakey-Wakey for Rho.  (and Hubby will take the extra 20 minutes of snooze)

I've decided that will be my prime opportunity to Zumba.  Early enough that the kiddos might be sleeping.  Late enough that Hubby will be out of the house.  I'm still pretty stoked about this exercising stuff.  Of course, I do realize that it's in a cardboard box on it's way here and not physically in front of me... but, the anticipation and pacing while it's on it's way is at least causing my heart rate to go up.  That counts as exercise?!?!  RIGHT?!?!

I'm still eating my veggies.... Yesterday I had leftover squash/zucchini for lunch and Cheese fries for dinner (Hello!??! -that's a potato)  Then I followed it up with a great fruit beverage..... Lime Slushie.  (Yes, Fuschia- we went after church.)  Okay.. so maybe I wasn't THAT good yesterday.  But, baby steps.....  :0)

Okay... I'm off to wake up the kiddos.

Weigh-in Wednesday.

I can only weigh in once a week. Notice, I didn't say get on the scale. I said weigh in... which to me means post results. Since Wednesday is the only weekday that starts with "w". I've decided that this is the day I'll change the ticker on the side. Sooooo...today is the day. I'm posting my 1 pound loss.. Yesterday it was 1.5 but I fixed a cookie cake and blew the 1/2 pound away. (What can I say? I wanted to bake!) My Zumba has 4-6 days left to get here. During the waiting time, I decided to eat a little more healthier. (That means add veggies in the House of Rho) Last night was yellow squash and zucchini two of my most favorite summer veggies. I even have leftovers for lunch today!! I had a salad yesterday with my lunch AND I ate veggies on Monday too!!! (It was two days ago.. you know I can't remember that far.)

Oh! and I set a NEW goal within my weight goal. I want to lose 10 pounds before heading to my missions trip. The ideal 10 would be in my thigh area but, at this point on a 5ft 3 inch body, I'll take it wherever it feels to disappear. This is more for a comfort factor because the idea of me being 20lbs over a good weight in heat and jungle seems less and less fun. So, I got 24 days (see Ecuador counter to right) to lose 10, I mean,9 pounds.

On to the baking story..... Both of my children are summer babies. Why I couldn't learn through the first pregnancy that carrying through the HEAT of the summer is BAD is beyond me... but, I'm a firm believer I don't think clearly while with child. (One day I'll post about the roller coaster of those events!)

Anyways... Today is the day the class is celebrating Buggy's birthday. (Monster's was last week) Buggy decided she wanted brownies. In her mind this meant the fudgy, chocolatey, frosting heavy type that you find in the Publix bakery. In my mind, it meant, a 68 cent box of Betty Crocker mix that I add water, oil, and an egg to make the best possible imitation of the bakery kind. Throw in a can of whipped frosting and all is good. So, I get home call hubby for a pick-up order of box o brownie and frosting, get news that we are watching a friend of our's children, (No worries) and begin to strategize dinner plans. (I say strategize because of the the new addition of veggies and the pickiness of my children)

I start dinner - call Hubby for additional ingredients (he's still at the store) and decide that I'll straighten the house. Hubby's home. Finish starting dinner... Go to mix box-o-brownies and find out that I used the last egg on Saturday when I was doing my best Rachael Ray impression for breakfast with my parents, sister, and niece.

Okay... ask Hubby to borrow egg from neighbor, which he politely declines and goes back to the store for eggs. (This would've been my 2nd clue that this wouldn't work out right. The first being no brownie mix)

Okay... Eggs are here. Mix box-o-brownie -fudgy style as I'm trying to get as close as possible to Buggy's request. Place in PC bar pan for 18-20 minutes in the oven, promptly pull out only to notice that the edges are not pulled away and place back into the oven (3rd clue). Pull out what I think is fudgy brownies to cool for however many minutes I think is necessary or until I feel like frosting them.

Fix Cookie cake for kiddos and friends kiddos to eat after dinner that has won hearts and stomachs in the House of Rho (I might be stretching that a little bit...but, it was pretty good)

...........Fast forward to frosting and cutting of box-o-brownie.........

They are Rock Solid. So Rock Solid, I cut my finger trying to cut them. Yeah. THAT Bad. I get one out of the pan. They are crunch chocolate cookies that look amazing close to bakery style brownies. Hubby starts to giggle. I'm upset 'cause I've ruined Buggy's birthday snack that she requested for school.

.... So.... I send Hubby out for Publix Bakery Style brownies at Wal-mart. (Clue #4 or whatever number I'm on) which, oddly enough they don't have any? So, I'm now in bed with my bible ready for sleep and Hubby is on the phone explaining this to me.

....So.... I have the bright idea of sending him to Albertsons and as a faithful Hubby and father who doesn't like either one of his girls disappointed... he's off.

Yet... I receive another phone call... Still no brownies. But, they have a cake and we'll have to deal with it.

....So.... I'm sad as I drift off to Dreamdom. I've effectively ruined the one request my youngest child and only princess asked for.

I had NO idea that the particular brownies came from Publix UNTIL Hubby came back from purchasing the cake and read the box that was leftover from our Pool Day on Monday.

Soooo....... to sum up this bout of chaos brought to you directly from the House of Rho...

prices are estimated

..Box o Brownie - 68 cents

..Can o Frosting - $1.00

..Chocolate Cake - $20.00

..Gas for multiple trips - $35.00 (kidding - but that's what it feels like)

..Final Stop at Publix - $12.00

Smiling Princess Buggy...... Priceless!!!

ERRRG!!!

1.  I'm still trying to figure out the background stuff!!!  I  did a search on pre-mades and I can't seem to get one unless I wipe everything else out I have already put in.  Any help sites would be helpful.

2.  Writer's block.  I have been asked to write an article on the summer and school being out.  I can't figure out what I want to write about.  The common word in MY brain right now is "rest".  Yet, I look at the 'calendar' and that's not exactly what's happening.  

3.  Apparently- if you avoid the laundry it doubles.  At least that is what it feels like.  So I now have the Alps minus snow in my garage.

HOWEVER -

Yesterday was glorious...  The kids swam like you have no idea.  Buggy spent a good bit of the time without her water wings.  We're still working on getting her face wet though.  She's scared to death of the water getting in her eyes....and hates goggles.  Monster on the other hand spent more time bothering the adults. (Me!)  I finally got wet and found a really good float and laid out with my 15 sunscreen lathered on.  He felt it was funny to water gun me and swim around me screaming.  Thank goodness he's still small enough for me to pick up and throw.  

For those who are worried....  I reapplied often and managed a small amount of color that could rival a light tan.  I'm not going to say I tanned instantly but the help of the "hint of color" lotion that is on to make sure I don't peel, is helping.  For those who are confused.... I don't tan.  I burn.  In fact, I have two colors - my normal fair colored skin and fire engine red.  I wear sunscreen year round.  As opposed to the rest of my family that looks like a Coppertone commercial.  So who knows?  Perhaps this is the year that I might have to change to the darker shade of my Bare Minerals *light instead of the *fairly light.   

**sigh** I should go back to sleep.  I'm still dreaming.

Stuff to do...

...that I'm T-O-T-A-L-L-Y avoiding!!!!

1.  Laundry (Big Surprise)

2.  Grading Tests 

3.  Writing an article for Joy Journal (Which reminds me Fuschia.... you should submit some stuff)

4.  Cleaning (Forcing it to the bottom of the list)

God is opening some amazing doors right now for me.  Because of the decisions that I have to make, I'm not posting them.  Short version.....Life as I know it will change.   That I'm sure of.

I actually got up and sorted the mountains of Laundry this morning..A-N-D.. started one load before sitting down for a double dose of coffee in front of infomercials.  (I told you I was avoiding stuff)  I'm super motivated about one of them....Zumba.  It's a Latin workout video.  I did a search and can't find any negative feedback.  They've thrown off one of the 4 payments of $19.95 and threw in hand-shaker type weights and 2 extra videos.  I'm waiting for Hubby to wake-up so he can tell me it's not in the budget.  (Which is really good for me!!- This FPU stuff is gradual.)

We're spending today at Aunt D's house for the pool and grilling!!  (More avoiding)  I'm going to work on my summer sunburn!  Of course that means I have to put on a swimsuit which means------ I'll get back on the need to loose weight kick which means------- I want to order Zumba.....see the circle?!?!?

There are 4 days left of students.  3 of which are 1/2 days.  Can we say YIPEE?!?!? I did get my contract so, I'm employed for next year.  That's a HUGE Praise-A-Lou-YA!  There were 187 first year teachers that were not renewed in the county.  

Okay... I'm off to try to grade papers... Still avoiding #1. **giggle**giggle**  

****EDIT****

Much negotiation has been taking place since I posted.  Zumba has been ordered.  I had to forego my next month's blow money which essentially means no pedicures, random purchases, or new shoes for 30 days.  But....if I loose the dress size as "promised" while having fun dancing the pounds off.. it'll be well worth it.  AND if I continue to loose by the NEXT next month... my blow money will be used for NEW wardrobe!

...p.s.  I am still doing really well at avoiding the list posted above.  Including the papers. :0)

I'm a nut.

I've been up since 3:25 this morning.  I'm preparing for a 4 hour bus trip down to a theme park with enough 7th graders to fill up 7 "luxury" buses.

Because of my early wake up I missed the AI finale.  I've watched the show since day one and I'm happy to say that both of the "boys" I picked ended up in the finals.  My girl was wiped out about 6 shows ago.  I'm also happy to say that I my "boy" won.  That being said, I haven't seen the entire show, just an internet write up and then I visited the AI website.  I saw his winning performance....and cryed my eyes out.  He's singing about how "This is the time of my life" and he sharing his moment with ALL of the 12 finalists and the person he competed against.  

Overall... on one of the largest days of your lives.... are you willing to share it?

Closed Toed Flats

....are not my favorite!

I'm a flip-flop/sandal kind of girl.  I didn't used to be.  In my prior life (all 4 years ago), I wore expensive closed toed shoes and suits and skirts.  I couldn't figure out how to pull off control top panty hose and sandals so there were maybe A pair in the closet for random trips to the beach and we're talking RANDOM trips.  I never had time for that either.

In my new life -  You know the one where I figured out where my priorities were and used my free will (after much tugging in the right direction) - I find that closed toed shoes kill me!!!  EX -SPECIALLY during the summer!...and yet, today I'm wearing them.  It's not that I'm feeling nostalgic for the life I once had.  It's that I haven't found the right color brown sandals yet and sadly, my Reefs are only Friday shoes for school.  The good news is that they are FLATS-and CUTE.  (Like- I have an un-cute pair of shoes in MY closet- PUH-LEASE)  

So why am I using all of my time to explain this?!?!!?!?!

'Cause for whatever reason, my feet hurt.  It's probably because of the fact that they're stuck in a pair of closed-toed-flats for the day.  Which then reminds me of where I was and how far I've come.  And that's okay with me.  Wanna know why?!?  I learned from it and the pain that starts out in the morning will be completely gone once I start doing what I'm supposed to and what I love to do.  --AND-- weirdly enough, I'll completely forget about how much they hurt -----until I put the closed toed shoes on again and need a reminder about why I don't like wearing them anymore.  

There's a lesson in here, it's carefully hidden.  Can you find it?

10 more minutes....

... is what I ask for when the alarm went off.

...is a lifetime when you're shooing kids into the car.

...is what I need with God.

I'm amazed at how quickly I hit the snooze and how "not-so-good"  my days are when I opt out of my 10 more minutes.  My  season of life allows me much longer periods during the summer when the kids are out of school than right now.  I am soooo counting down the days.  

But, I still need that stillness with God in the morning.  I e-mail myself bible verses and devos.  I have an open bible at my desk and one on hand in the kitchen.  I listen to Christian music in the car and manage to have "popcorn prayers" throughout the day.  All of this and I need 10-20-30+ more minutes.

How do you get the quiet time?

Letting them get to you.

I went to bed early.  I wasn't up to being sociable and far from sharing.  I was up at 11:00 and 4:30.  

I had a student say the unmentionable to a beginning teacher who although displays confidence in the classroom questions herself quite often outside of it.  I can't shake it.

The short version of the situation (warning opinions and strong language is going to come out)

The mouthy student of all year left to go to the "bathroom".  I put that in quotes because it was most likely to answer a text message and/or have a conversation in the hall.  At the point she left her desk a one dollar bill fell on the floor.  Mind you, I was helping other students so, I did not see said dollar fall.  Nor did I see the student that she's been verbally abusing all year (and he's returned the favor) pick the dollar up.  Upon return.... she starts in on the student about stealing her dollar which she then snatches out of his hand, stands up takes his pencil breaks it in half, and returns to her seat and says.....

HER "What are you going to do about this?"

ME "Do about what?"

HER "He stole my dollar"

ME "Didn't you just get it back?"

HER "But, he STOLE it!"

HIM "It was on the floor!!!!"

ME  "Do you have the dollar now?"

HER  "Yes.... I don't know why I bother... you're not a real teacher anyways."

ME  "A real teacher?" (enter thoughts....probably not.  A real teacher would've written you up the first day of class or the time that you chose to refuse to do certain assignments, or the time that you told me to hold on you were in the middle of a conversation, or the time......"

HER  "Yeah, you never do the things a real teacher would do..oh never mind, I'll get back to work"

(thoughts again....once again, she's probably right.  I put up with more from her only because she's had conflict with all of her other teachers.  I make sure that she's succeeding in class when I give her unwarranted extended time and reasons to finish things)

ME:  "I see"

......Later in class....

(me standing in the front of the room to get attention after activity)

Random Student #1 - Shhhhh... Ms. D wants to say something.

Me "Naaaa... I'm just standing up here.  I'm not a real teacher.  Get back to what you were doing."

Her (instant glare)

She got to me.  What can I say?  After almost 10 months, I finally lost my "cool".  I really wanted to lay into her.  I really wanted to carry on with what Real Teachers do.  Instead I voiced sarcasm, and didn't do a thing.  I'm racking my brain on how to deal with it because one on one's just don't work with her.  If I let her know how hurt I am, it'll give her even more power.  She's the only student I've had all year who hasn't had some change in attitude or response to me over the year.  Regardless of what I've done.  She's rude, mouthy, feels like the world should cater to only her, and consistently challenging me.  

Where does the authority rule come in?  When does seven times seven stop?

Ugggh... okay.  Enough.  

Thankful Thursday.

I'm thankful.......

I woke up this morning.

I have clothes that fit, no matter what size.

I have coffee to drink.

I have children to wake up and get ready for school.

I have a husband that will pray for me during the day.

I have a profession that I love.

I have a Heavenly Father that has his hand on my shoulder at all times. (even if it's to guide back to His direction)

Sometimes I wonder if we get caught up in what we don't have or what we'd like of someone else's that we forget we already have so much.  Are you thankful?

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NLT)

Wednesday Funnies....

On the way to school...

Radio:  SE College is only 1 hour away from DisneyWorld!!

Monster:  I wanna go! I wanna GO!!

Buggy: Meee Toooooo!

Monster:  We can't it costs money and we don't have alot right now.

Buggy:  Awwwww

Monster:  I know!  Mr. Crabs can pay for it!!

Buggy: Who?

Monster:  From SpongeBob?!?!?

Buggy:  And? (yes my creative child is struggling with the conversation)

Monster:  He's got a million dollars!!

Me:  You mean clams.

Monster:  Nu-uh.. They changed it to money.

Buggy:  Nu-uh... Mommy knows EVERYTHING! (maybe she isn't struggling as much as I thought!)

Today at school:

Student has a photo album on her desk.  I pick it up and look at the baby pictures inside...

Me:  Are you being dedicated or baptized?

Her:  I don't know it was something at church.

Me:  Ummm.. okay?

Her:  Wait, I got dipped in the water when I was 11.  That must've been my dedication.

Sounds of Silence

It's quiet this morning.  It's quiet every morning but, there is a peacefulness about this morning.  

Maybe it's the calm before the storm as we're approaching wake-up time?  

Maybe it's going to be a good day!

Maybe it's me,  not quiet finished with my first cup of coffee but, knowing that it's in my system.

Overall... it'll be a good day.  We'll be going to service tonight.  It's the first time in what feels like months.   

I'm reading a book for school called Teaching Matters...Motivating and Inspiring Yourself by Todd & Beth Whitaker.  

It's quite interesting on the different pick me ups and motivating things they are suggesting that could transfer over seamlessly to everyday life.  One of the things they mention is personal reflection.  I've been doing alot of that lately.  As well as paying less attention to my mirror in the morning looking at the blemishes, grey hair, and wrinkles.  I'm reflecting other things other than my person.  **Think about it.  I'll write more later.  

Time to wake the kiddos.

~R

Bruised & Beaten but not Broken

My friends (all one of you!) -

It has been a rough weekend in Shoppingdom.  The royal family has enjoyed quality time together at the request of the Queen.  We started with Princess Buggy's last soccer game on Saturday morning.  As I cheered the little princess on, I did not realize that the Sun was beating down on my bare shoulders thus causing a slight pink color upon my fair skin.  After we finished the game we decided to visit different houses that were displayed in the Parade of Homes.  Looking at the different decorating ideas, floor plans, and possible dream kitchens caused quite a stir among the royal family.  At one point I was pointing a particular wall feature that I liked to the King and as I was showing him with my hands, I hit the wall with my thumb causing a breakage in my nail.  The kind that is only 1/2 way, unsalvageable, and painful.  We then visited the mall.  The King took Prince Monster to see a movie while I and Princess Buggy went shopping.  As the Princess and I toured our kingdom of stores and clothes and shoes, we came across this one store.  I saw several outfits and possibilities and started to pile up my arms with hopes and dreams of buying.  At the point we walked down the aisle...one of us bumped into some shelves that were leaning up against the wall...the shelves fell and scraped a four inch cut along my lower leg and ankle.  The customer service representative was V-E-R-Y rude.  I explained the event, showed her my wound, and asked for a first aid kit.  She looked at me, the wound, and said...."NO!"..then turned her back on me.  (Ummm... hello?!?!?!  The Queen was BLEEDING!)  I ended up having to hobble to the mall security office for a banged-aid...and very proud of myself for not losing it in the store.

So yes, those who saw me in church today... I was limping..I was sunburned...I lost a nail... BUT.... I was worshipping!!!

p.s.  I did notify the store's corporate office of the event.  Not asking for anything but perhaps a simple revisit of customer service basics and OSHA laws.AND....I managed to leave out the fact that I couldn't wear cute capri's on Mother's day because of ugly wound in the actual e-mail.

Serving with a Full Platter.

I decided not to continue on my rambling more so because I'm getting it.... 

Back to chaos...

I'm a teacher.  That's my passion.  It's not my job because I still like the profession, I'm relatively new to it, and I left a job that wasn't good for me even though it paid well.  I typed all of that to say, I still have really good days and I still have really bad days.  I'm far from perfect and make up only goes so far.

As we reach the end of the school year, I'm noticing that the students are itching for the summer.  I'm also a little anxious about it, but don't tell them.  I'm finding that as they act out, so do I.... and that's when it hit me. (warning... random thoughts  ahead...)

Is my platter full?

  We're all called to serve in some capacity.  When I think of someone serving, I think of this giant silver platter being full of divine snacks and chocolates that a person in a fancy uniform is carrying.  (Mind you, this is the part of Queen Rho that we all know and love)  As the person makes their rounds in the ballroom, people start to take from the platter.  If there are a choice of items to take, most people will take what they like OR what has the most taken from it.  (Really!  Think about it, if everyone else is eating it surely it MUST be GOOD!)  If there is  only one choice, less people pick from an empty platter and the "servant" becomes a little more forceful to empty the platter.  Almost like they get paid by the platter and can't get a new one until the other one is finished.

So I'm thinking..... Is my platter full?  Do I have a variety of things for people to pull from?  Do I take the time to fill it up?  or Am I the forceful servant who only gives what's leftover instead of fresh things just so I can get paid?  

What does this have to do with school?  Absolutely nothing - kinda.  Except that lately I've been serving them a half a platter expecting full platter results because I'm trying to figure out my plans for the future (summer) and not focusing on the now.  Seems I'm doing that for all of the aspects of my life. 

 Don't get me wrong goals are an awesome thing to have.  Paths are an essential thing for us to follow.  But, giving up what's happening today because we are focused on what might or never happen in the future is wrong.  God will show us when he's ready.  

Right now - I just need to make sure my platter is full of him.  I need to continue to draw near, wait for his guidance and stop relying on my fingers to type out blogs so that I can see it in black and white in order to analyze it and think about it WAY too much. (I don't like to think, it makes me less random)

To my Sister in Christ....Thank you.

Warning.....Rambling ahead

The next couple of posts will most likely be me trying to figure something out.  My fingers are pretty much connected to my brain and seeing the words pop up on the screen in front of me help me work things out.  That's why you are getting the warning of rambling.   

Yesterday, I typed out the starfish story and in my brain was thinking about how God uses one person to deliver the message.  My message must be pretty long because, I've had several "one" people speaking to me in the last week.  That being said, I'm working through the message and am watching God around me confirm my original thoughts just in case I was doubting.

Wednesday - a feeling of uncomfort in a place I once found refuge.  At the turning point in my life, I found great rescue in the Youth service.  I realize now I was at a beginning stage in my newly renewed faith.  I was also extremely uneducated and felt more "on the level" with the youth as far as maturity went within the church.  I also have a wonderful friend and confidant that works in the youth service.  Who helped me figure out what was happening and how to react.  That being said, I entered the youth service Wednesday night.  I've not been in several weeks due to baseball with Monster so, I was a little uneasy (at least that's what I'm calling it, right now)  I made the decision after worship to go into the adult service.  As I walked in there was an INSTANT comfort that wrapped itself around me.  Was it because of the message?  Was it because it's time to move on?  Am I at the next step on my path?

Thursday - I was helping set up for the tea party.  Pretty much in a slump.  As I was left alone with another one of the females, I find myself saying..... It's okay to share.  God specifically places people in our lives just to listen, if you need them.  Why am I not following my own advice?  Why am I holding this in trying to sort it out?

Saturday - The tea party - Oh!  It was so elegant and the message was perfect.  She talked of reflections and how our human eyes instantly see the flaws versus what God sees in us and what we should be projecting towards others.  I was taking pictures during the last song that the women's ensemble sang.  I don't know what the shots looked like because of the amount of tears I was shooting through.  I'm an emotional wreck!!  Is it because I'm currently seeing the flaws and God is guiding me to the next step? 

-Dinner with Friends-  Adult time!!!!  Can you say- Yay?!?!  We laughed, giggled, and hung out.  As we closed yet another business... our conversations are more  muted, more personal.  I begin to share some thoughts outloud.  What's my ministry?  Should I be in youth?  What is MY purpose?

-Talking to Hubby - I hadn't shared what's going on with hubby.  Partially because I was hurt with something else that was a byproduct of ME not sharing what's going on.  My 'outgoing' personality is reigned in close when it comes to my feelings.  I don't want to push people into helping me - let alone know that the "joyful Rho" is suffering from the least bit of doubt and confusion.  So we talk.  What am I supposed to be doing?  Am I your support? or  Is this together?  ....and we pray  Show us the next step on the path.  

Sunday -  9:00 service.  a rather casual service - at least at the beginning.  Great praise and worship!  During one particular song, the music minister starts to acknowledge God's presence.  Mind you, I'm already teared up because of the song....

Take me, Mold me

Use  me, Fill me

I give my life to the Potter's Hand

Call me, Guide me,

Lead me, Walk beside me

I give my life to the Potter's Hand.

~The Potter's Hand, Darlene Zschech

As we pray and worship quietly, a message and interpretation is given.  I was so rocked by it that I still can't remember all of it.  I'm searching for the exact words...but the noticeable ones were.  

I am a big God, Find your strength in me, I am.

There's more.  

The music pastor was the pastor delivering Sunday's message.  We got two different ones in the first service.  

#1.  He begins to recall the first time that he was called into ministry and confirms the over all "flow" of the service.  I've listened to the service on CD.  He says :

"I have called you out, I have set you apart. and you are going to do great things beyond yourself."

"God is calling some people in this room to full time ministry.  I don't have any other way to say it"  

At this point, I'm in open sobs.  You guessed it.  Hubby is next to me doing the same.  Full time ministry?  In What?  When?  How? and all of the usual questions.  

There is ALOT more I need to type out.  But, I'm afraid I might be listed as MIA if I don't post soon....so I decided to give at least some of what's happening.  I'll return when I can to give the rest of the service and then what happened on Monday and Tuesday.  

I love my God and I love that he gives me puzzle pieces.  If I saw the full picture, I'd be too scared to follow through.  Right now each piece isn't fitting quite together yet.  But, I feel it's going to be big.  

Encouragement and Prayer is what I need right now.

Work in progress.

I have a current blog.  It's not finished.  Therefore you get the message...

I'm sorry, we are unable to complete your daily reading of Coffee and Chaos.  Please leave a message at the beep and I'll return your call as soon as possible.  If your message is urgent, please hang-up and dial my cell. (Pause. Pause. Pause....)

BEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!

The Power of One

I often go back to the old story, originally by Loren Eisley, of a man walking along the beach that is littered by starfish.    There as different ways of telling this story all of which have the same outcome...

Once a man was waking along a beach.  The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day.  Off in the distance he could see a person going back and forth between the surf's edge and the beach.  Back and forth this person went.  As the man approached he could see there were hundreds of starfish stranded on the sand as the result of a natural action of the tide.

The man was stuck by the apparent futility of the task.  There were far too many starfish.  Many of them were sure to perish.  As he approached the person continued the task of picking up starfish one by one and throwing them into the surf.

As he cam up to the person he said, "You must be crazy.  There are thousands of miles of beach covered with starfish.  You can't possibly make a difference."  The person looked at the man.  He then stooped down and picked up one more starfish and threw it back into the ocean.  He turned back to the man and said,  "It sure made a difference to that one!"

It amazes me how God uses "one" person to set out a change the life of another and still manage to reach more than "one" person.  Over the last couple of days I have many encounters with "one".  They are in different forms  yet, together they have made such a difference in my life and the short period of time.  I'm not up to sharing to much yet because it's muddled still in my head.  I can only say this to the friend that listens and guides from the pastor that is obedient --

You made a difference in this one.

Oh! My!

...It's been a looooong week...

I think it's 'cause of the anticipation of two of my very favorite things.... 

1.  Ladies Tea Party - Saturday 11:00 AM.  Wear pretty dresses, feel like a lady, talk lady stuff, and hang out with friends.  

2.  Dinner with friends - Saturday 6:30 PM (is the time right?).  Have adult conversation and listen to the quiet of not having your own children while out to eat.

It's not because.....

1.  I was up past my bedtime Wednesday making cupcakes.

2.  I was up before my wake up time this morning making cookies.

A promise is a promise.

I promised my students that this week would be party week.  2 of my classes earned 1/2 parties and 2 of my classes earned full parties, 1 of which I promised to make cookies for because of their win during a school event.  2 of my classes didn't earn parties... and interestingly enough, they are a little better behaved this week because of it.

Praise Report!

Everything that has breath, PRAISE the Lord!

We're budget happy here in at Rho's house.   This particular month looked like it would be a busy one for Hubby to try and keep us balanced.  On the initial "budget meeting" - He was going to have to work 50+ overtime hours this month, in small increments, in order for us to make it work.  We have the annual baseball camp for Monster, Buggy's "princess" camp, church camp for a week, and then we're still paying off our trip to Ecuador that Hubby and I are taking in June with the youth group.  We also have to pay for the deposit next year on after school, the end of the year teacher gifts - that are made- allow for the new gas prices (again!) and other random expenses.  

But!! God is GOOD!!  Almost the EXACT amount (plus some change)  we needed to make it work arrived in MY paycheck yesterday!!  I'm not kidding.  We have it balanced out and Hubby doesn't need to work the extra hours!  

Combine that with the confirmation of some conversations I've been having with Fuschia and I've got all kinds of happiness surrounding me!

I love it when the blessings are amazing!  I love it when I can share them!  It makes me think about how wonderful God is and it confirms the good things that are happening....EVEN on the bad days -  Which I've been having lately.  My physical was good... I'm pretty healthy, if only he could explain the plain exhaustion I live in.  I'll be starting a test for sleep apnea in the near future....at 33 - which he's pretty sure will be negative.  

So that leaves 1 of 2 options.  Neither of which I'm happy about.  #1.  I'm a "young" married woman that has two "young" children and a busy lifestyle  OR #2.  I've got signs of mild depression - more due to family history.  While #1 seems like a logical answer, I don't like it because I'm getting 7-9 hours of sleep on a pretty consistent basis.  I've cut my "busy" lifestyle in HALF since I was working in the corporate world (4 years ago).  #2 scares the daylights out of me.  Do I have down days?  You betcha... I just don't know what to think about it.  Currently, I'm operating on the don't know anything policy.  I only know the words but haven't looked into it because I know myself pretty well that I'll put myself in a state of paranoia.  

So, I'm doing what the Dr. asked me to do.  Finding a time to exercise (back to the busy schedule), Finding a multi-vitamin that doesn't make me ill, and tracking my "allergy/sinus" symptoms to see if they line up with the fatigue.

All of that to say this......  God is still working DESPITE my bad days!  Praise-a-leujah!  I'm standing on his promise, I'm standing on his works, and I'm standing that I can do ALL things through he who strengthens me!!!  He's blessing my family financially!  He's confirming things left and right!  He's everywhere I look!!  (Do get the point?!?!?! - Bad days or not... he's here!)

Thank you Father for not leaving my side.  Even on the bad days.