Everytime I start to type this post, I start to cry. At that point, I deem myself not ready to deal or sort out my emotions and then log out and hope that the next day will be better. It's supposed to be my "next post" so, Unfortunately, I've been silent for a while. I can not guarantee if this will make sense in the end.
Earlier (2 posts ago) I mentioned that the World of Rho would be rocked (go here) It's more of a personal/selfish reference because as I process through, I see that this means so much more to me than it may to be the bloggy readers I have.
Tomorrow our church is giving a going away party for some VERY close friends. These friends are becoming missionaries. Following God's plan in their life with a GIANT jump of faith. Friends that can simply stand next to you and know that you are dealing with something internally, and wait patiently until you spit it out on your own accord. Friends that encourage you through simple moments of smiles, dinner over paper plates, and peanut-butter taste tests. Friends that help you through a monumental crisis that could ruin your family and not once pass judgement or stop associating with you.
As, I look on the front row and realize that they won't be there--- it crumbles me. But, I never want to discourage them with tears. I never want to make them feel bad because I know that their purpose and path is different than my own. I am truly celebrating their choice! Their gifts and hearts are for just a time as this.
I just don't think I could seriously handle actually saying "Goodbye" without looking like an idiot through the masses of mascara and tears....and because everytime I see them, I realize time is getting shorter...it's tougher and tougher not to break out into tears.
I may not be able to get this out verbally so I type. Not to mention...I cry really bad, complete with the quick breaths, squeaky voice, and sniffling nose.
....and so, It's time.....
Our friendship started with chaos.... one that I was in and you worked me through. With you're quiet strength and determination I was able to conquer a pretty big mountain just so I could jump off of it. Not once did you say what I should do, but only listened and gave me the strength and support to follow the directions I needed to.
We've experienced some pretty quiet victories and defeats through life's circumstances and events. There are serious moments when I have to stop and think...What would She do? ..and move accordingly. Through each and every moment that is special over the years, you have been there with me. Your passion and knowledge of Christ has motivated me to learn more.
There are few people in your life that truly bless you EVERY time you see them. You are one of them for me. I'll miss our random Starbucks talks. I'll miss our "family" dinners. I'll miss the birthday parties and singing side by side in worship.
But, I'm so VERY proud of you for following God. For walking out what you've taught the youth and myself....and frankly, just for being you.
One of my fondest memories is our first lunch out to Bianca's. We didn't know each other except through a very casual relationship. Before our drinks were placed on the table you mentioned about how you are the friend that would not ask questions....one that I could talk to...one that would never judge. That was my first taste of true friendship. I didn't have to give any more than I had to please you. I didn't have to be anyone else and you accepted that.
I'd never had a friend like that--and never knew that friendship was supposed to be like that.
Over the last couple of years, we had some amazing trips and opportunities together.
Wicked.---Truly, you've changed me for good.
Ski Trips.--ski lifts and hot chocolate
Camping.---Mud fights, bike rides, and S'mores.
Equador.--You losing your heart.
I won't say goodbye. I WILL see you again. I'm visiting you. I'm skyping you. and I'm sure facebook and e-mail will be pretty regular as well. Get used to it, accept it.
I love you, my friend.
