The Game.

Last night was tough for me.

I watched my son play a sport he has loved for years and he experienced what I would call one of him most difficult nights of his life.

He's been working really hard at winning a spot behind the batter.  His ultimate playing position would be catcher.  Last night, he was overly excited because he knew that he had 2 innings of playing his prized position.  Granted it was a team that his team had beat 18-0 and the coach was giving some of the "lesser-knowns" an opportunity to play in-field but, still.. in his mind, He was going to CATCH!

So he had some really great plays 

(He's in the red, I'm in the black holding my camera and my breath.  Thank Goodness for other parents!)

and then... 

then came the trials.

 The ball ended up in the dirt in front of him or behind him - thus causing stolen bases and scored runs.  In the bottom of the 2nd inning, the score was 0-5 ,them , there were 2 outs and Monster lost his treasured spot to the "more experienced player" as he and the pitcher were pulled.

You see, Monster has been told several times that it's most likely he won't be able to do what his dream is.  He won't be able to catch for a Professional Baseball team because he's too small, his arm isn't strong enough (yet), and lastly he's left handed.  Traditionally... left handers aren't behind the plate.  So, not getting to finish his first inning opportunity or be put back into the game for a second chance behind the plate crushed him.

So much in fact that his coach couldn't console him and called Hubby into the dugout to talk to him.

After Hubby talked to him, I went to give him a couple of pieces of gum and he was still trying to get his breathing straight.  

He was hurt.  

He was embarrassed. 

 AND

 He truly thought that the entire reason they were losing the game was because of his inability to do what he always wanted to do.

Me, being the strong parent that I am, had to hide my own tears as I faced my son to encourage him...

"Hey buddy, you okay?"

Sniff. Sniff. nod.

"Did you do your absolute best?"

Sniff. Sniff. nod.

"You know that is all we ever ask you to do, right?"

Sniff. Sniff. nod.

"You are the greatest son and I love you very much, You know that right?"

Sniff. Sniff. nod.

"Okay, here's your gum.  Keep doing your best! I love you!"

mumble, mumble.."You too, Mom"

He played his standard position of left field during the next inning and then it was his turn to bat.  This being a new league for him, he's been struggling on and off here as well.  It was 2 outs and he really didn't need another whammy against him.  

So here we sit.

Pitch.  Swing. Strike.

No Whammies, Please...No Whammies.

Pitch. Watch. Ball.

No Whammies, Please... No Whammies.

Pitch. Swing.....Crack!

He nailed it!  Made it to third base on errors AND  started the 7 run RALLY that won the game!!!!  

So...why did I type out all of this??!?!?

Two reasons.... 

#1.  To explain to Fuschia why I spent 15 seconds of our phone call screaming into the phone as my son, the greatest little league baseball player in my eyes, crossed the plate.

AND

#2.  To say this.... How many times have you cried over that thing you KNOW you're supposed to do only to find out that you fail the first couple of times?  In the game of life, it's the entire GAME we're playing - not just that inning.  Which means top or bottom of whatever inning you're in....there will be some mistakes.  It's how you act after them that makes you the winner!

ME time!

I did it!!  I "woke" up to my 4:30 alarm and "snoozed" until 5 making it right on schedule!!!  Eventually, I might push it back another 15 minutes but, I'm pretty proud of myself.

I am an early riser by nature.  I also understand by Fuschia there is no air at this time and there are days where I would agree with her.  But, I have to do this.  This is the ONLY way I can get my entire day started and still have ME time.  You know the time that us Mommies and Wives forget to take for us because we are sacrificially devoting all of our other time to those who need us.  

My ME time is extremely important to me which is why I try so hard to get it.  It is the time I can reflect (on the day ), exercise(ummm..or settle for another cup of coffee and reflect some more), and most importantly PRAY and STUDY my Bible.  It's when I can talk with my Father and have those WOW or quiet moments about my attitude or just life in general.  

I picked the morning for several reasons.... 

1. Hubby is a night person.  After the kiddos are asleep we have "us" time for couple prayer and moments of conversation.  I can't focus (which is a good thing) on what I need to do for ME time when he's awake.  We don't get to spend alot of time together so, I treasure the moments we can.  Even if it's just sitting together in the office while we're working on separate things.  We are spending time together.  (It's one of his Love Languages as well... Quality Time)
   
2. NOBODY is up this early.  I won't get interrupting phone calls or kiddos.  It's just me, God, my Bible and a cup of coffee.  Sometimes there is soft music but, most times it's silent.  It's amazing when you really ARE still.
3. In my warped brain.... because NOBODY is up this early...I think - I have God's full attention.  Wait. Stop.  I know what you are thinking.  I KNOW that he's focused on everyone at every time...I just enjoy having some Princess moments... even if it's only in my brain. 

You see, I have a busy life (as do all 3 of my Bloggy Readers)  and I enjoy every bit of it.  Do I get stressed out?!!  Absolutely!  But, I'm restored every morning because I choose to spend that time with God and get a refreshing breath.  I spend most of my day sending Popcorn prayers up.  But, the morning is when I can settle down and just chit chat with a close and personal God.  

This Sunday... RedDaddy preached on relationships.  The one thing I know about relationships is that communication is needed.  If there is no communication on a regular basis, your relationship (friendship, marriage, or work) will  fall apart. 

So take some ME time.  Figure out what works for YOU!  I know that early wake ups aren't for everyone.  I'm married to one of those people.  I also want to say this... use it WISELY.  Don't use the extra hour to clean the kitchen that wasn't cleaned the night before.  Have your ME time, check the chore chart and make that person get up early to finish THEIR chores after you've had some quiet time!

My last day of summer.

.. and here I sit, in front of a computer, in the dark.

I'm avoiding the laundry and other housework that I need to do because well... I won't have time to do it.

I'm avoiding the school work that I need to do because well.... I don't have time to do it.

BUT... after my pot of coffee (I'm splurging today) I'll be well on my way to organizing chaos.

I was talking to a friend last night about all of things I wanted to do over summer that I didn't do.  The main reason was because we were so busy doing the things we "felt" like doing.  For instance - I wanted to reorganize the book shelves that line my bedroom wall and get out a good bit of the clutter.  I "felt" like swimming with my kids instead.  So. I'm deeming this summer.... The summer of didn't do's.

..didn't do the organizing.

..didn't do the pre-planning.

..didn't do the laundry.

..didn't do..... I think you're getting the picture.

While, it sounds a bit like I'm down on myself for not completing the 8 lists that I started the summer with... I'm pretty proud of me.  We did mostly what my kids wanted to do (within reason- jumping off the roof of the house just was a little too dangerous for me).  I spent a good bit of my time with them.  Which ultimately is why I made my giant career change 4 years ago.  So, YAY ME!!!

At the end of the day, my children know I love them.  Not because of how organized my house is.  Which...it's not - I just stuff the cabinets and duct tape them closed.  They know I love them because of my time and my heart.  

It's back to the me thing that God has been working on ALL summer.  

As a mom, I find it hard to put myself first and speak out that my kids need me or want me.  There are days when I feel like I just simply was put here to carry them for 9 months and make sure there are no broken bones until they're out of the house.  But, there are moments throughout the day when a simple I love you or Thank you makes me realize that they do need me and I'm here for much more than that.  My children love me for me.  Just like God does.  It doesn't matter what my hair looks like (btw-THE Hair Goddess performed yet another miracle!) or how cranky I am.

So.. I don't know if I'm the only one out here in Bloggyworld that's dealing with that or not... but, at the end of the day.... I know my children love me and that's what counts.

Usable Scars

I have two scars on my body.  

One on the back of my  left leg and one on the front of my right leg.  Both I received for not paying attention.  Both I received unknowingly until someone else pointed out the severity.  At the point of the injuries I seriously thought nothing of them.  Until someone ELSE noticed the bleeding.  Am I really that unobservant?  Sadly, my answer is yes, WHEN it comes to myself.  When it comes to others, I'll notice in a heartbeat.

I was playing catch-up on my blog reading this morning.  I hadn't read on my bloggy-bar for quite sometime and needed to catch up with my reading.  As I visited this one though, I got to thinking (yes, I was on coffee cup #1) and the Holy Spirit started moving, and my fingers started typing. 

How many scars do I have?  Which lead to the counting of scars you see above.  Then I began to think about my Ecuador story.  I talked about stretch marks.  OH! if I have to count those from childbirth, we'll be here forever!  Then I thought about the teary moment I shared in front of the church (yes, I gave a 3 minute summary of what is typed out here)  The visual of me standing with a microphone and tapping my heart is stuck in my brain.  

How many scars DO I really have?  

Too many to count.  Which is a good thing.  Each and everyone of those wounds brought me through something.  A broken heart, A limping spirit, A tainted life, A hurting marriage, A lost child....the list is long and painful.  You see, the Lord brought me through EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY WOUNDS!  Thank you Lord!  His hand was on my shoulder as I cried uncontrollably over the lost of my first child.  His arms were wrapped around me as I struggled with my past.  He wiped the tears off my face as I silently wept for the young girls in Ecuador who had no choice but to give themselves over to adults who did not care about them.  

But it's the memory of 

The place you brought me from

That keeps me on my knees

All of my wounds listed or not listed were healed by the one God I put my trust in daily.  It's because he healed me that I continue to look to him each morning that I get out of bed.  It's because of the silent whispers of knowing he's with me each step of every day that I can do the things he's called me to do.  It's because of what he brought me through that I can talk to others and guide them through or around the same things.

But I'll build an altar with 

the rubble that You've found me in

and every stone will sing 

of what You can redeem.

God uses us in ways that we can serve and help others through the experiences we have and the mistakes that we make.  I'm so glad I'm un-perfect.  I'm so glad that I have the scars visible or non-visible.  These make me realize that in the grand scheme of things I'm useable.  Think of fine china.  The ones that only get used on rare occasions verses the everyday stoneware that is used everyday regardless of it's chips.  I don't want to be used 1-2 times.  I want the Lord to use me every chance he gets.    

I am broken torn apart, Take the pieces of this heart

Heal the wound but, leave the scar

So take this post as an encouragement!

Bloggy Buddies, Friends, Sisters,  

Regardless of your scars you ARE useable.   It doesn't matter what you have been through or what you are going through.  There is someone that can help and guide you.  There is someone who cares enough to wrap their arms around you and weep as well.  AND  there is someone out there who would benefit from you making yourself useable.  If you have a wound, turn to the Lord.  Ask him to help.  If you have a scar, don't be afraid to show it.

Words in italics are from the Song : Heal the Wounds  by Point of Grace.  If you'd like to hear the song click here.

Lord,

This post isn't at all what I thought it would be.  Thank you for using me for a simple message such as this.  My prayer is that others will benefit just as well.  I thank you for showing me that I, too can still learn from myself and my scars.

~Rho