Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. Even after listening to a sermon that all but stuck a neon arrow sign over my head and spotlighted me in a crowd.
The short version... When all was said and done...I survived. Despite the worrying, stress, and flat out expectations of ruffled feathers and fists....I came out untouched and ultimately ignored.
Which really was a let down to me....
so I asked myself...
"Self?!?!---Why are you upset? Why are you not happy that you were taken care of and not placed in the middle of whatever circle you thought you'd be and tarred and feathered?"
Before I could answer the internal conversation I knew..... Despite the expectations... Some things are beyond our control. Despite the outcome of what I'd like....the decision isn't up to me. You see when you add people into your everyday life, they end up changing the outcome of what you'd like to dictate. Something about choices, expectations, and free will.
So, I wasn't happy because what could have been didn't happen...which in my mind would make the situation easier to deal with. I'd've been able to flesh out somethings instead of dealing with them the way I should--with the one that can fix it and lastly...because it means the next time it'll be the same until each person involved will be able to overcome their part in it. I seriously thought I was through with my part...but now I'm "planning/worrying" about reactions to their part....So does that mean I'm through??
Probably not.
